When I quit drinking, I was on a mission to "be better", and quickly became OBSESSED with self-development. Obsessed? Really? Such a strong word. I WAS OBSESSED. I know this now, but didn't realize at the time, that there were some deeper issues I needed to tackle first. News flash: Alcohol is sometimes "used to suppress feelings and relieve the distress of psychological disorders." - Carol Galbicsek, Alcohol Rehab Guide I think my therapist recommended this book or maybe I came across it on my own - I can't remember. Either way, it was one of the first books I read on my journey, and I'm so glad it was.
Kristin Neff is an Associate Professor of Human Development and Culture at the University of Texas at Austin (my alma mater), and is a pioneer in the field of self-compassion research. I appreciate her distinction between self-compassion and self-esteem. The "self-esteem movement" has been big movement for a long time, and has created an abundance of narcissism in our culture. I have very little of both, so I'm not knocking it completely'; however, self-esteem focuses more on achievement, what others think of you, comparing yourself to others, and does not serve you when in crisis. Self-compassion is more about giving yourself a break and realizing that we are all in this together. In her book, Neff explores the components of Self-Compassion in great depth: Self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. The book draws on her research along with her own human experience, and gives you exercises to learn how to apply these concepts in real life.
I bought this workbook to supplement my learning, and dive deep into this subject. I find that applying what I'm reading to practical scenarios helps me grasp the concepts a little easier. I highly recommend going through these books together, but you don't have to. The workbook is more of a training course on Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC). This is a course you can take in-person, from a trained MSC teacher, as well. To find a program near you, go to www.centerformsc.org. I also suggest a self-compassion journal during this process. I know, you already have a planner, a regular journal, and a gratitude journal. Sheesh! I suggest it, because I think it's good to keep the concepts separate, so it is easy to reference on your journey. I did this work about a year and a half ago, and revisited my journal before writing this article. It made me sad to read how unkind I was to myself then. I'm pretty sure I was at a zero on the self-compassion scale. It also made me want to go through the workbook again, now that I'm in a different place in my life. I think I will be able to accept the concepts and apply them more in my day-to-day now that I am not pushing back on everything in the book because, "I'm not good enough."
No matter the place in your life, I think everyone could get a little something out of learning to be more self-compassionate. My favorite analogy in this book is about treating yourself like your best friend. If your best friend was down on his/herself, what would you do? You would say, "Stop being so hard on yourself. Everyone goes through this." or something to that effect. So, why is it so hard for us to say that to ourselves? In a moment of crisis, we have a tendency to beat our fists on the table and say, "I'm worthless, I'm an idiot, this is all my fault!" Enough now. Enough. "Learning to embrace yourself and your imperfections gives you the resilience needed to thrive." - Kristin Neff
Get your copy of Self Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself HERE!
Get your copy of The Mindful Self-Compassion Workbook HERE!
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